Taking time out is also important for staying on an even keel in terms of how you’re feeling. When things aren’t going my way, I feel that I know what I need to do in terms of taking a moment to manage my emotions. I’ve generally been pretty fortunate with my mental health. Even before – before I had my career and my relationship and my home – in tough times, like when I was going through my parents’ divorce, I would be quite good at moving on from a bad day. And I’m so lucky to be where I am in my life that now, when I feel a bit stressed or that things are getting a bit on top of me, I can take a breath and tell myself, ‘You really have nothing to be stressed about. Just look at what you have and try to put everything into perspective. Sit back, Molly – everything’s fine!’
But then there are times when you can’t help but be hit hard by a setback. For me, having my home broken into, and having the things I’d worked hard for stolen, was one of those really difficult times and setbacks.
On Thursday, 21 October 2021, I was in London with Tommy and Fran for a Beauty Works event. As a lot of people know, we were broken into that night.
The next day, I was at The Londoner Hotel with Fran at a PLT meeting, when Fran got a call from someone who works with us. She just told me, ‘We need to go – your house has been robbed.’ I started crying because I didn’t know what they’d taken. But even then, the only thing I really cared about was the fact that I had Ellie Belly with me. They could take whatever the hell they wanted; the only thing that was irreplaceable was Ellie Belly!
By the time we got back from London, the police had already been to the apartment to investigate. It was ice-cold as the balcony doors had been left open all night. Tommy and I didn’t stay another night there: we moved into Fran’s straight away and took everything that was left, just in case the burglars came back.
They took a lot, though. We imagined they’d been in the apartment for hours.
Since both my parents are ex-police officers, they were really vigilant in terms of making sure the police were doing their job correctly and asking the right questions – my dad, in particular. He’ll always be a police officer at heart, my dad! As I work on this book, I don’t think the police will find them and I don’t think we’ll ever see the things that they took again. It’s heartbreaking to know someone has been in your home and taken what you’ve worked hard for.
What hurt me the most is that they took things that were sentimental to me. Things that I would love to hand down if I ever had a daughter. But most of the things they took were replaceable and we were safe. Even our stuffed toys, which were what I cared about most, were untouched. They pulled off all the bedding and flipped the mattress, but left all the teddies that were on the bed.
Thank God we had insurance. Fran has always been very on it with that, whereas when I would buy something expensive, I always had the view of Why should I have to pay more money to insure it? But now I always tell my friends, you have to spend money on insurance. Because when things like this happen, you’ll be so grateful that you did. The break-in was something I always worried would happen. When you live your life in the spotlight, it’s always something you worry about happening, and I was quite fearful of it because where we lived was on quite a busy road and so many people knew we were there.
In the aftermath of it all, Tommy had to fly to America and start training for a fight, so I had to go to viewings and find a new place on my own. No one knows where it is because now we’re really careful – we don’t take any chances. It was a really hard lesson for us to learn, but I think it was good to learn. For a couple of weeks after the robbery, I even had round-the-clock security, a close-protection guy who came with me whenever I left the house – which I absolutely hated. Fran wanted me to have it permanently, but I didn’t think it was necessary. However, we have stepped up our security, including how we post on social media. Still, it could have happened even if we weren’t in the spotlight – these days, if you live in a nice home or you have a nice watch, you can be a target.
Especially since the burglary, I’ve felt even more conscious that life really isn’t about having designer bags, or anything like that. (It’s just about a logo on a bag, at the end of the day!) I do really appreciate how lucky I am to have the things I do now, as it’s not always been that way for me. As I said, I never had anything designer when I was younger – when my friends were wearing more expensive labels, I wasn’t allowed those sorts of clothes. I was raised very much to understand that those things were not the be-all and end-all.
That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy things like that – but I’m also totally fine not having them. Deep down, I’m just a 23-year-old girl who’s not yet used to how much my life has changed in the last few years! So every time I’ve bought something for myself, I’ve thought, Oh my God, I cannot believe I actually get to buy this myself now. When I was younger, I actually thought that the only way I was ever going to have really nice things would be if somebody else bought them for me. When you do it yourself it just tastes all the sweeter – it’s so much better.
To have that freedom to treat myself, and to treat my friends too, has been amazing. As soon as I was able to, I bought my sister her car, and I am lucky enough to be able to buy my friends designer bags for their birthdays. I’ve never done it for any sort of gratitude, I just enjoy it: I spoil them because it’s something I’ve always dreamed of being able to do.
Still, I have always known that it’s not just about how much you spend. When Fran had an operation recently, I really wanted to get her something that meant a lot to her. So, I went round Tesco, picking up all her favourite things, from chocolate bars to mugs to notepads to the fabric conditioner she likes, even to the issue of Cosmopolitan that we’d worked on together – all our happy memories. I honestly think she liked the thought that had gone into it more than anything else.
So, I would never want anyone to feel that the way to happiness is about what you have. (And no one should ever feel that you have to have these things to build a following online – I definitely didn’t!)
I’ve come to terms with the burglary now. To be honest, if someone told me that I was going to get robbed, I’d have thought it would affect me really badly. But I’ve moved on from it already. I have realised that, when something bad happens, I’ll just deal with it in the moment. I’m not someone who doesn’t show their emotions, then they come back to hit them five years on – I just cry about it at the time and then do my best to get over it. Everyone deals with things in their own way, though, and that’s also fine!
For me, whatever the situation, the key thing has always been dealing with how I feel there and then. I might go to the gym or just have some time to myself in another way, but the main thing is that I am quite a proactive person: if I have a problem, I’m not going to put it to the back of my mind and let it sizzle away. I try to put it to bed so that I can move on.
I can be quite methodical about it! A friend of mine was actually going through a hard time recently, so I sat with her and wrote out a massive list of all the things that I would do if I were in her position, to help her deal with everything that she was facing. A list really helps me think in terms of OK, I could try that. If that doesn’t work, I’ll try the next thing on the list. And if that doesn’t work … and so on. In other words, it helps me come up with a plan of action. And, obvious as it might sound, if you’re feeling stuck or unhappy, thinking about what specific actions you can take right now to address your situation might help get you out of it – or, at least in the short term, feel a bit more hopeful about the future.
What those actions might be all depends on the situation – it could be boys, it could be work, it could be anything. (And if it is a situation with a guy, as it was for my friend, I always say, maybe take a step back and allow the guy to show you how he feels. If you step back and they don’t really care, then at least that shows you their true colours; and if they do step up, great.)
That doesn’t mean that I walk away when things get tough – I’m always a person to really work at things and persevere before I give up on them. In times of crisis, I tend to write a long list of ways to salvage a situation or a relationship. And then at the end of it, if none of those things have worked, then I would think about ending it.
Lastly, I think taking control over a situation always helps – showing your authority and that you’re not scared to stick up for yourself. I might not like conflict, but I will make clear that I am not a doormat. I always feel that the minute you show a guy – or anybody! – that you’ll be walked over and that you’re a bit of a pushover, then you’re at a real disadvantage.
All that said, I think it’s really important to seek help if you need it – you don’t have to try to sort out everything yourself. Recently, I actually started speaking to a therapist, just because I’ve been dealing with anxiety and it’s been quite hard. It wasn’t that I felt I couldn’t speak to the people around me, who are so lovely and will listen to anything I need to talk about. It’s that I didn’t want to be constantly talking to them about the same thing that was going on in my mind. So, I started speaking to someone once a week, someone very impartial that I could just talk to about how I’m feeling, and that’s been helpful.
I have a very overactive mind – when I get into bed at night, it’s going 1,000 miles an hour – and I can think the worst of every situation. But my therapist has helped me talk through and rationalise my anxieties, to help me understand that a lot of the things I might worry about are not actually facts. They’re just thoughts. I began to realise that what was on my mind was my imagination running wild with me, rather than the reality of my situation. Talking to her has helped me understand I don’t need to catastrophise everything – she’s been really impactful for me and my thoughts.
I started seeing her in the run-up to a big fight Tommy had planned, which is one particular reason why I was dealing with a lot of anxiety at the time. Competitive sport terrifies me a little bit: I used to get that nervous stomach ache before competing in sports, or even before a swimming lesson – I didn’t like it. Now, I’m transported back into that world because of my boyfriend’s profession, and I find it quite hard to deal with the nerves running up to a fight, and looking after him and making sure that I’m supporting him in the best way possible, while also keeping my work life in order.
For this fight in particular, though, Tommy wasn’t well towards the end and nobody knew apart from me and his team, so I was keeping this a secret during his whole camp. He had a terrible chest infection and I was trying to nurse him every night. When you love someone, it’s almost like you feel what they’re feeling, and I just knew how frustrated he was getting that his health wasn’t coming back, although he was doing everything he possibly could. Then, after the chest infection, one of his ribs broke because he was weaker than usual and he was still training. It was just horrendous, the whole thing. And with it being such a huge fight – which came with a lot of trash talk – it was a lot for me to handle. It all came at quite a stressful time for me anyway, because of the break-in and what was going on with my health. It was everything at once – a bit of a rough couple of months, really.
I knew that I would go back to my normal self and I’d feel fine again, but something like that can take a massive toll on you. I’ve definitely understood how much anxiety can affect you day-to-day and how much it can make you lose your focus so that you can’t really think about anything else: it really consumes you. That’s why I think it’s good to speak to someone about it if you can. I’m really lucky to have access to a therapist, but your confidant doesn’t have to be a professional. You could also turn to a family member or a friend. At the end of the day, just talking to someone can be enough to lift that burden from your shoulders.
I’m someone who’s focused on what is going to bring me happiness. Part of that, for me, is working towards my success, because it means I wake up every day and get excited about what the future holds. And I do feel that having that motivation – that get-up-and-go and that drive to achieve more – can be a key to happiness in other people, too.
Rather than sitting back and looking where you are and thinking, I’ve not done much with my life, wherever you are at the moment, try to look to the future and think about all the amazing things to come.
Sometimes, I admit, I will just sit on the sofa and think about all the exciting things that I have to look forward to – like Filter by Molly-Mae booming in the way I envision – but they’re not always work-related! Being lucky enough to have babies one day – the thought of that makes me so happy and excited. Whenever I’m having a down day, I’ll think about that – Oh my God, imagine that day – or think about the day I get engaged.
Since meeting Tommy, I have realised how much I can’t wait to be a mum. And I know I’m only young, and I always wanted to be that person who had babies when I was past 30 – I wanted to live my life first – but I do think we’d make really, really great parents together if that were to happen for us. I don’t want to rush it because I know how important it is to enjoy each stage of life. It’s something amazing I can look forward to, so I tell myself, ‘Just wait. Just wait!’ For now, we’ve just got kittens – Eggy and Bread (sums me up, really)! But I definitely see us starting a family within the next few years. It’s a chapter we’re really excited for.